I HATE that question. It gets my mind thinking again about why I am depressed and what i've been through and I really shouldn't say this but it reminds me how much I HATE the women who raised me.
I try my best everyday to put on a strong face and smile my way through work and not let my hurt or depression show. I think I do a pretty damn good job because many of my patients tell me how they love my energy and smile and positive outlook. Sorry y'all.... it's just a face to get through my day. I truly do try to wake up and have a great day but 100% lately I have been waking up with migraines and I kid you not I can hear Donna's voice every day telling me how ugly I am, how I will never amount to anything and that I am Nancy's daughter and will always be a low life. NOW..... yes I know that those things are not true. I truly do love parts of myself and my confidence is only getting better but it definitely does not help to hear that wicked witch in your head every single day putting you down. I haven't seen Donna in years.... like 3+ years now and to still hear her voice makes me so mad. I am letting her into my self conscious and I am not sure how to KILL this women out of my mind.
Why did God take Dad and not Donna? I swear he is leaving the wicked and taking the angels, which I truly do know and understand why. I also know that I am going to have to forgive Donna for what she did to me mentally, physically and emotionally but HOW? How do you forgive someone that can cause you so much hurt and distress every single day of your life?
I AM NOT BLAMING DONNA FOR ALL OF MY DEPRESSION EITHER..... I HAVE MADE MY OWN MISTAKES AS WELL IN LIFE AND WORK ON THOSE THINGS ON MY OWN BUT AT THIS PARTICULAR TIME IN MY LIFE SHE IS A HUGE REASON WHY I AM STRUGGLING WITH SELF IMAGE, WHICH TURNS INTO INSECURITIES AND SELF DEPRESSION.
I actually have family members that I am close to that still talk to Donna and to my face. They are sweet and talk crap on her as well but than turn around and tell her everything that is going on in everyone's life and give her that chance to sit back and talk crap yet again and put us kids down again over a damn phone call. I have personally asked my family if they talk to her and she has ANYTHING at all good or bad to say about me or my life than please don't tell me. I can't take the rejection from her anymore or the negativity. It hurts to bad.
SO YES I HAVE HATRED IN MY DAMN HEART TOWARDS A CERTAIN SOMEONE WHO HAS CAUSED ME MANY MENTAL PROBLEMS AND DEPRESSION. END OF STORY
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