Strength through music

 

I ran across this photo the other day and couldn't help but stop and stare at it. All I could think about was how anyone could look at a child and be okay with abusing them mentally, emotionally, physically and sexually. I look at it and I see my children. I could NEVER EVER imagine my children doing anything on this planet to make me enter that state of mind of abusing them. A child deserves love. 

The little Raquel in this photo didn't have love. 

I remember growing up listening to songs that a little girl should not have to listen too. I would lay on my blue carpeted bedroom floor on my back and just stare at the ceiling and cry as I listened to songs. 

The Couple of songs I remember are... 

Everclear- Wonderful (I would cry and cry and just wish I could be with my birth mom & dad and away from that crazy grandmother of mine)

Carrie Underwood- Blown Away.

Jason Michael Carroll- Alyssa Lies. 

So that last post i wrote about was one that scared me. While I was writing about her abusing my brothers and I, I broke down and cried and Greg couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I've never had an experience where I could see, smell, hear, and feel that situation replay. It took me about 15 minutes of hyperventilating before I could talk about what was wrong. I've talked to a few of my siblings and they think I am crazy for writing these posts and reliving those awful nightmares. But since I have started therapy I really feel that I work through things best when I write them down and get them out.